Thursday, 11th of March, 2010
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After years of deliberation, Egyptian authorities have finally decided to ban poverty. Any individuals exhibiting signs of poverty will now be made unavailable, and promptly removed from the Egyptian market.
"We have been in negotiations with poor people for a long time," said a statement from the Ministry of Bad & Boor Beebol, "yet they have consistently refused to meet our demands and raise their living standards. This leaves us no choice but to ban them."
The ban, effective immediately, is expected to reduce Egypt's population by about 82%. Religious extremists, however, have decreed that the ban is blasphemous, noting that it will leave remaining Egyptians with no one to give alms to, a prerequisite for entering heaven.
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National therapist Duktor Nader Nafsani has broken with doctor-patient confidentiality, revealing that the being known as “Government” is undergoing therapy to deal with some of his personal issues. "Government is on the verge of a nervous breakdown," says Nafsani, who is also a part-time elevator conductor at the Ministry of Subconscious Affairs. Born in 1952, Government has since showed several symptoms of psychosis, most notable of which is...
Weeks after the bizarre torrential downpours in Sinai and Upper Egypt and not so long ago again in Cairo, a project known only as "Matar Man" was leaked by an insider at the Ministry of the Inside. The report apparently details a plan to "artificially induce rain showers."EKT's Ministry of the Inside mole, 00K, confirmed that ten top ministers, disguised as "common" Egyptians, gathered at Cedars...
The Reduction of Egypt’s Population through Senseless Road Accidents Committee* (TROEPTSRAC) convened last week to determine the fate of Mohamed Mitrakhus – a microbus driver who has consistently failed to cause a senseless accident in over a full year. Suspicion first fell on Mitrakhus when eye-witnesses reported seeing a microbus controversially driving within the boundaries of a...
Today, Egypt celebrates Police Day – a day that only traitors and other rational thinkers consider ironic in being an "enforced" holiday for both private and public sectors. Unlike Mother’s Day, which gives thanks to little more than a few ounces of milk and some “rearing”, Police Day shows...
The 7th of January is normally Christmas for the predominantly Coptic Christians of Egypt, and more importantly an official holiday for the hard-working employees of the government. This time around, however, celebrations of the birth of baby Jesus have a special twist to them as the government has...
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