Tuesday, 23rd of December, 2014
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Abu Ismail: World's first salafi Santa

Revelation is expected to cast more doubt on Islamist leader’s credibility.

| Written by makarona

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 12:05

EKT has just learned that onetime presidential contender and leader of the emerging Islamist Baltageya Association (IBA), Hazem Abu Ismail, previously worked as Santa Clause at a mall in California.

The image to the right shows two children sitting on his lap right after they found out that this Santa was, in fact, a salafi.

Abu Ismail admitted to EKT that he had sent his minions to besiege Cairo’s Media Production City last week in order to pressure journalists not to disclose his terrible secret. This private admission only came after EKT agreed to boycott PEPSI (an alleged acronym for Pay Every Penny to Save Israel) and instead drink Abu Ismail's own brand of soda called BEBSS (or Bay Every Benny to Save Saudi).

The revelation is not expected to diminish his popularity amongst his supporters, with various members of IBA expressing solidarity for his past role as Santa Clause by donning a Christmas hat while engaging in jihad against the rest of the infidel population.

Nevertheless, the news is likely to further hurt Abu Ismail's reputation among non-sword-weilding denizens, particularly after his continued denial of his mother's US citizenship. However, EKT can now confirm that Abu Ismail’s mother was not actually a US citizen. A DNA test that our publication has conducted using a beard hair he left behind at our offices has revealed that Abu Ismail is actually the love child of Jabba the Hut and Saruman the White.

 

 

 

 

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