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Man Discovers Time is Relative

"Benefited" from Cairo's traffic

| Written by subarlox

Wed, 12/23/2009 - 03:59

Still in the Intesive Care Unit at Dar Al Amal hospital and almost out of hope, a man known only as Taayim believes time is relative.

Mr. Taayim made the discovery in mid-air yesterday as he attempted suicide from the 6th of October bridge. He mumbled to an EKT correspondent through his body cast, "I was sitting in a taxi for five hours and we moved about one meter".

Witnesses say they saw an exasperated Mr. Taayim banging on surrounding cars as he attempted to squeeze through the spaces between bumpers and made a dash for the edge of the bridge. "No matter how fast I ran everything was moving in slow motion and when I got to the edge I didn't stop running," said Mr. Taayim with emotional sniffles and grunts.

Flinging himself from the bridge he had hoped to end the extreme boredom and futility of life he felt as time moved at a dying snail's pace. "It was a nano-second, one nano of euphoria, the sensation started in my crotch but..." Mr. Taayim suddenly drifted off apparently his heart had stopped. Luckily Mr. Taayim's mother was at hand and willing to explain to EKT that the sensation of euphoria didn't last as he hit the roof of a car on the second platform just below the suspended bridge.

It was another six hours before the emergency services eventually got to him. When he finally regained consciousness, he announced his discovery based on the traumatic comparison of the nano second of ecstasy sandwiched between the agony of the traffic before and the awful pain endured until emergency services reached him.

An official spokesman for Dar Al Amal, Dr. Mafeesh Feyda, revealed to EKT his reasons for optimism. "Given the growing number of patients suffering from failed suicide attempts due to over-clogged streets, hospital staff remain hopeful the theory of time relativity can still be proven. Mr. Taayim has died a "scientific martyr" and will enjoy a ceremonial burial with high-profile figures as soon as the traffic is reduced to bearable levels."


Sun, 12/27/2009 - 12:24

Even though I hate you big time but you really are creative and you made me laugh like hell in spite of all my sorrow of joblessness and break up!

Concerned Expatriate

Tue, 12/29/2009 - 02:50

After having read this heartbreaking story, I decided to fly to Cairo so that I can experience Mr. Taayim sad experience first hand.
My first hour on the 6th of October bridge I was able to change my tire without loosing my place in line. Then I became restless and decided to buy the car next to me so I could change lanes.
Traffic was so unbearable I met a pedestrian who also goes by the name of Mr. Mista'agel who told me that the only way to get home is to take the day off....even then he thought that he was cutting it close.
As I was observing an old tire decaying by the sidewalk, I noticed a man jump into a taxi,in a great hurry. “Hey!” he shouts to the driver, “Can’t you go a bit faster?” The driver looks back at him out of the corner of his eye. “Of course we can go faster,” he says, “But what are we going to do about the car?”
After two hours my mind began playing tricks on me from inhalling exhaust fumes when the traffic light said to my car "Don't look I'm changing"then I passed out.
I woke up to find myself in the CCU of Mafish Amal hospital under the care of Dr.Taralali who promised me to be driven to the airport as soon as traffic turns to bearable levels.....meanwhile I am aging in virtual reality.

I woke up to find myself in CCU of Mafish Amal hospital under the care of Dr.


Fri, 02/05/2010 - 21:24

I love Dr Mafesh Feyda!!

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