Tue, 01/14/2014 - 23:36
Egyptian state security prosecutors have questioned God this week over allegations that He was behind the formation of a cloud above the Pyramids of Giza that spelled the word “No” in Arabic, لا.
Prosecutors are concerned the divine creator of the universe may have been signalling to the Egyptian populace to vote “no” in the referendum over the amended constitution. If true, this indicates that the supreme being may have actually read the document carefully, finding that it contains articles that are as ambiguously open to interpretation as some verses from His own book.
While a preliminary investigation has been launched, security forces are currently seeking to detain the deity for “distributing a sky-based flyer, attempting to overthrow the regime, provoking citizens to reject the constitution, and interfering in earthly affairs.” If apprehended, this would make God the eighth being arrested for campaigning for a “no” vote, following a previous seven peaceful activists.
Currently, the Almighty has not been found anywhere, and has only been questioned in the mind of the prosecutor general. However, God reportedly responded to the prayer-like interrogation using his trademark non-responsiveness, raising more suspicions over His culpability. It remains unclear where He was at the time of the incident, though it is presumed everywhere.
If found guilty of being directly responsible for the controversial cloud, the Most Merciful may face an indeterminate time in prison for the first message He conveys to humanity in 1400 years.
Already reports abound of millions of Egyptians losing faith in God since the divine scandal first came to light earlier this week.
One Zamalek coffee shop owner told EKT, “This can only mean one thing: God is Ikhwani. I cannot worship a terrorist.”
“God is not interested in stability,” said another former believer. “He does not want us to re-build Egypt. Besides, we worship Sisi now.”
This is not the first time Egyptian state security prosecutors have questioned non-humans, with the popular puppet Abla Fahita being accused earlier this month of delivering pro-Muslim Brotherhood messages in an advert it featured in. A stork was also imprisoned last year for spying allegations, then eaten.