Wed, 04/03/2013 - 14:23
A local Sunni man reportedly converted to Shia Islam only hours after Iran announced an easing of visa restrictions for Egyptian tourists this week. The conversion took the otherwise good Sunni Muslim by complete surprise.
"I don't understand how it happened," the man told Ahram Online moments before being mobbed by his neighbours, "I just woke up and suddenly found myself self-flagellating while really wishing that Ali was the first caliph, not Abu-Bakr."
His neighbours contemptuously screamed the Transformers star's name at him as they beat him, calling him Shia LaBeouf, a well known Iranian secret agent.
The Sunni-Shia rift is said to have occurred due to a disagreement over the prophet's successor, and had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that competing states invariably institutionalize religions in order to use them as oppressive tools to justify an elite minority monopolizing all wealth, authority and punani.
In Egypt -- the capital of which was founded in 969 by the Fatimid caliphate, a Shia empire that also built Al-Azhar mosque and invented SpongeBob Square Pants, an Egyptian icon -- there are concerns that visiting Iranian tourists will now cause more spontaneous conversions in a country where many men are notorious for having very little self-control.
"Shia Islam is like a scantily dressed woman in the street," said one sectarian, professional sexual harasser from Imbaba, "of course it will tempt us."
The Egyptian Tourism Minister, Baabas El-Siyaha, reportedly wants Iranians tourists restricted to monuments and beaches and away from Islamic sites -- otherwise, there is a risk that they may hijack a mosque and use its speakers to proclaim "CONVERT TO SHIA ISLAM NOW!", thereby instantly converting thousands of unwitting Sunnis in the surrounding neighbourhood.
If successful, analysts say this would bring Shia Muslims -- who are known to be working with Sufis and other Free Masons such as Mohamed ElBaradei -- one step closer to transforming Egypt into a Zionist suburb of Israel.