Wed, 02/09/2011 - 19:47
After several attempts at figuring out the true mastermind behind the Egyptian uprising, authorities are now “fairly certain” that the Australian koala bear was the original instigator.
After realizing how unlikely it was for the Muslim Brotherhood, Israel, Hamas, Iran and the US to work together to sponsor the uprising, the Egyptian government is now confident that the “foreign hands” behind the revolt are actually small furry ones belonging to “fundamentalist koalas.”
“Koala bears have been using their cuteness for centuries while secretly staging Islamist rebellions around the world,” said Vice Puppet Suleiwoman. “These cuddly beasts are planning a coup,” he added sternly.
The VP suggested that many of the protestors in Tahrir Square had travelled down under to receive training by the koalas in the art of leaf-eating. This apparently explains how the demonstrators have been able to endure occupying the square for so long with nothing to eat but dusty tree leaves.
Meanwhile, the government claims the koalas are biding their time before hijacking the uprising and moving in on Egypt. The Vice Puppet said the slow-moving mammals could “wreak more havoc on the economy by using their sheer cuteness to ensnare Egyptians in a perpetual state of ‘Oohhhhh.’”
Demonstrators at Tahrir Square however insist they have had little or no contact with koala bears in recent years. Nevertheless, state security has detained several species of bear at Giza Zoo to try and find out if they know anything about a possible coup de koala.