Microbus driver sent to rehab for not causing an accident in over a year

“The man is an insult to our business,” say his colleagues

• Features

Thursday, 4th of March, 2010

The Reduction of Egypt’s Population through Senseless Road Accidents Committee* (TROEPTSRAC) convened last week to determine the fate of Mohamed Mitrakhus – a microbus driver who has consistently failed to cause a senseless accident in over a full year.

Suspicion first fell on Mitrakhus when eye-witnesses reported seeing a microbus controversially driving within the boundaries of a single lane along the Mehwar. Eye-brows were also raised when that same microbus was later seen with its headlights turned on during night time. 

Witnesses have also made claims that Mitrakhus seemed to be "aware of his surroundings," even occasionally "using his turn signals."

“The sight didn’t make any sense to me,” says a Mehwar commuter, “he must have been driving under the influence.” Possible influences may include basic driving lessons before his position as a microbus driver.

“What a disgusting example of elitism,” said Mr. Imbaba Imbaba, one of his colleagues. “‘Ooh, look at me! I can drive!’” he added mockingly of Mitrakhus.

Among the charges, Mitrakhus is also being accused of possessing a valid driving license, as well as of not using Microbus-designated stopping areas, easily located in the middle of all busy Cairo roads and highways.

Mitrakhus wisely intends to plead guilty. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” he told EKT, “I just wanted to appear cool and different, but I think I took it too far when I renewed my license last year.”

Branded as "boring" by his peers (and possibly "gay" some have also claimed), the controversial driver is expected to undergo rehabilitation at the Sudan Street for Extreme Driving Training Center, where his mototherapy will begin with the basics: techniques for unnecessary honking, as well as the art of causing an accident while pretending it's everybody else's fault.

* TROEPTSRAC was recently established with the aim of standardizing chaotic microbus driving and to provide a platform for a dramatic increase in the killing of innocent bystanders. Part of the committee's duties also include handing out the "Y'Osta" awards for excellence in various categories, such as "Best Kill" and "Most killed in one accident".