Mon, 11/16/2009 - 02:43
It seemed to be a stroke of genius: two weeks ago Egypt’s elite united the borders of their residential compounds in Sheikh Zayed City, forging their own nation and thereby immediately ending the severe class divide that was plaguing Egypt for years.
Unfortunately, the new nation, which was finally named “Villas Indépendantes au Paradis”, or simply VIP, collapsed into mayhem and anarchy after just two weeks – two dire weeks where maids, gardeners, drivers, masseuses, and dog walkers were prevented from getting through the new border due to harsh visa requirements faced by Egyptians.
The results were devastating on VIPian citizens, with several deaths due to starvation. “When we lost our maid,” said Shereen Louvre, “I had to try operating that thing that heats the food – but I majored in interior design, for God’s sake! Not electrical engineering, OK?”
Mrs. Louvre lost her husband to malnutrition, a bitter sweet experience as she has also lost significant weight herself. “Now that I’m a size two at last, I don’t need to see my psychiatrist anymore,” she said compromisingly.
Yet deaths were the least of the VIPians' concerns, with neglected gardens falling into disarray and many children stuck wearing week-old diapers.
“It is physically impossible to raise children without nannies,” says one VIPian housewife. “I mean, I am a mother of two – how am I expected to raise them alone now that season five of Lost is airing on ShowSeries?”
Many VIPians however foresaw the collapse of their young nation early on. “When my feng shui consultant couldn’t get across the border,” says Lara Yara, “I knew there was no way we would survive as a people with all that negative energy coming from my new dining room.”
Perhaps the most devastated at the collapse of VIP is its ex-President Chantel Abdel Moneim, who was to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize instead of US President Barak Obama.
“President Chantel had admirably hinted that she wanted to reduce tensions between the classes in Egypt,” said the Nobel Committee in justification of its decision, adding, “and while VIP had continued to bomb places like Shobra for water resources, re-establishing diplomatic relations was clearly on the president’s agenda.”
Efforts are currently underway to re-assimilate ex-VIPians back into Egypt, with former citizens now receiving free Arabic language classes to help foster dialogue during rare encounters with the masses. "Now I finally know when to use the letter 'P' in Arabic," says Lara Yara.
"Palacona," she smiled.