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NEW LAW: Egyptian brides without hymens to be returned for refund

"No more damaged goods!" say Egypt’s grooms to the Consumer Protection Agency

| Written by makarona

Thu, 11/26/2009 - 15:48

Egyptian grooms can now complain to the Consumer Protection Agency if their brides “are missing a hymen, or are otherwise faulty,” according to the new law.

If the marital product, also known as “woman”, is found without the highly-prized tissue still intact, bride consumers can return the damaged commodity within 7 days of trying it out, in which case they will then receive compensation from its manufacturer, or “parent”.

Contrary to unpopular belief, Egyptian women are expected to preserve their hymens at least until their wedding day.

The new law is a response to a growing trend of more and more marital products falsely presenting themselves as first-hand goods, when in fact other consumers had tested them out secretly before. “Imagine spending LE200,000 on a new car then finding out some other prick had taken it for a ride before you?” says Moneer El Modage3, an avid car collector and Middle East hymen expert.

This sentiment is shared by a majority of Egyptian bride consumers and manufacturers, known for often violently disposing of marital products if the treasured bubble wrap goes missing before the so-called "entry night".

“The manufacturer of my ex tried to tell me my purchase was damaged only due to frequent horseback riding in its past,” said one disgruntled bride consumer, “but in the end I got a refund and bought a new model with a longer expiration date.”

Saudi conservative leader Imar Wekhimar, a frequent visitor to Egypt, praised the new law, though with some reservations. “Quality control in marital products is long overdue,” he said between sips of fermented grapes, “I just wish they extended it to young boys too.”

Not all Egyptians are happy with the new law, however – particularly the XX-based gender. A minority of extreme “liberals” are arguing that the so-called marital products are in fact conscious, claiming that consumers should be more concerned with what’s inside the head-shaped region, rather than obsess about the one time-use tissue.

“Ha!” says El Modage3, “What’s next? Stop sexually harassing them in the streets?!” Justifiably, El Modage3 and other consumers are worried that attaching any real value to “women” themselves may interfere with the ongoing 7000 year old plan for men to rule the universe.

Anonymous

Tue, 11/23/2010 - 13:30

Great article! I bet these narrow minded bigots don't know that even cows and dogs have hymen! what if a cow lose her hymen before marriage?! will the other cows object to it?

Dude

Fri, 12/10/2010 - 17:01

looool
i would probably keep lying and say the girls had already broke their hymens.. therefore.. getting unlimited refunds! ;)

Anonymous

Fri, 05/13/2011 - 21:47

Dear author,

As a fellow Egyptian I find your articles to be an insult to your own country and its citizens, as it does the exact opposite of upholding its name, you drag it through the dirt with immature articles and discussion. I respect your point of view. A women is no toy yet this article mocks the issue rather than raise awareness. In addition you are setting a bad example for foreigners and fellow Egyptians. Expressing your opinion is a given right you can practice using technological developments such as the internet. However, I would like to point out that what you seem to understand as expressing your opinion or understand under a funny article is the reason why Egypt is counted as one of the countries with the widest technology gap. Rather than using the internet to educate yourself you wasted days writing up some retarded articles that have no purpose but to entertain yourself. That is classed as a technology gap since technology is supposed to be used to further enhance your knowledge. I would like to point you can also remain a "dumb-ass" for the rest of your life. It is your choice but don't be disappointed when you get judged by the people you thought to be superior too. Last but not least I wasted five minutes of my life on this site trying to teach you something new even though I know you probably couldn't care less. With that being said, I bid you a good day

Lamiaz

Fri, 05/13/2011 - 23:52

Dear last anonymous,

It continues to amaze me how the more ignorant people like you are, the more arrogant they also seem to be. Your utter soulessness is reflected by your inability to appreciate that something as disgusting as the attitude that many Egyptian men have of women SHOULD be mocked … it is the mocking process itself that raises awareness of just how ridiculous our values as human beings can be. For instance, by mocking you right now, I am actually in a way raising the awareness of anybody reading this of just how retarded you really are (not that it isn’t already crystal clear that you are).

Also … “technology is supposed to be used to further advance our knowledge …” Really? Is that all? You don’t have a toaster? What about a car, DVD player, iPod, camera, fan, oven, door bell, mobile? Surely you have a vibrator at least? Cuz, in case you haven't realized, actually, technology is a lot more than just about advancing our knowledge. A lot of it is very much about entertaining ourselves. If you disagree, then, clearly you haven’t been using that vibrator of yours the right way, have you?

Lala

Tue, 05/24/2011 - 16:57

Love the article, and for those of you who feel offended, its called sarcasm, its something that can help bring an issue into question (such as treating women as products).

It is just so ridiculous to me how women don't stand up for themselves in this regard. WHY IS IT that women let people judge them upon something as unimportant as their freakin hymen? Hell, maybe i'll break mine just to show you that this is not what iam, this is not what im worth. Im not a pretty product, thats not what iam.

homdilly

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 20:08

Oh my golly. I can't believe how man people swallow the bait.

Anonymous

Mon, 06/20/2011 - 18:16

i didnt read all the comments but after the "China is importing hymen to egypt" i have to say that there are a lot of women having surgeries to "fix" their hymen before marriage. i saw a documentary about it in Amsterdam

Anonymous

Tue, 11/15/2011 - 22:02

you are sick person, why you do not see a psychologist?

canadian penis

Mon, 12/12/2011 - 05:21

it was such an amusement to read all of these sarcasm about that part of women's body which men in the west don't usually wait to check , we here are too quick to have sex
I thought first that hymens only exist in eastern women , but some of u here proved otherwise , so thank you

Anonymous

Fri, 08/03/2012 - 03:25

Egyptian men are very concerned about hymens but don't mind at all if the clit is missing.

Anonymous

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 15:04

My new 'woman' cant cook and wont clean, although she had her hymen when we married she is very frigid and insists on having a partition between us similar to the wall between Palesine and Israel. I assume this violates my rights under the consumer protection agency charter, could you confirm that i can return her too? i would prefer a PS3 or an xbox 360 to be honest

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