Mon, 06/18/2012 - 22:21
In a controversial move, SCAF forced Egypt’s Supreme Universal Court to declare the current Legislator void of power, automatically transferring the laws of the universe into SCAF’s grip. Activists have criticized the move as a “soft coup d’univers” though many analysts claim SCAF actually usurped the cosmic throne as far back as 1952.
With the judiciary in its pocket, the SCAF-god can now combine universal legislative and executive powers to formally become all-powerful and all-knowing, shaping the fundamental laws of the cosmos into whatever form it wishes. Already it has promised to maintain order in the universe by recently endowing its angels – affectionately known as the “military intelligence” – with emergency-like powers to spread peace among citizens while transgressing natural laws.
In a continuation of the good and evil mythology, the SCAF-god has allowed for a boogeyman to spawn itself into existence, making it seem as though the “demonic” Muslim Brotherhood’s Mohamed Morsy could actually wield real power and lead the universe into veiling darkness.
As with the purpose of the previous, classic devil, it is hoped Morsy will make doubters pray to SCAF for continued rule and protection from carnal temptations such as growing beards.
Many so-called liberals have sighed in relief over SCAF’s coup, though only tentatively. Unlike God, SCAF is not known to be a benevolent force. Nevertheless, some have pointed out that while God is reputed to controversially torture millions of people for an eternity using actual hellfire just because they disbelieved in His cosmic rule, SCAF comparatively only plans to imprison disbelievers just for the duration of this lifetime alone.
Prior to the coup d’univers, the SCAF-god was in direct contact with the people via heavenly communiqués that were sent down immaculately to Facebook. Celestially written on black backgrounds suspiciously reminiscent of the Kaaba’s black cloth, these scriptures have repeatedly warned against demonic “infiltrators” that seek to revolt against the stability of the universe. If all goes according to the SCAF-god’s plan, a great smiting against the devil, as well as other rebelling forces, is impending.
*To our foreign readers: yes, Egypt is the center of the universe, not the US.