Thu, 10/22/2009 - 02:56
The dreaded fusion of swine and avian flu became a reality yesterday when winged pigs were seen flying over Tahrir Square. The marriage between the two viruses is expected to result in a mega killing epidemic that could see Egypt’s population shrink to a manageable level.
“We are very excited by these developments,” said Ministry of Health spokesman Momken Bosa, adding, “but we will try our best to deter this menace and keep casualties to a respectable number.”
Some of these measures by the ministry have included a public ban on the use of the phrase “if pigs could fly”, as well as the destruction of several airliners at Cairo International Airport. “You can’t be too careful,” said Bosa, “we are eradicating anything that can fly at this point, as it is theoretically possible that the flying pigs could merge with the airplanes into something even the Grendizar would not be able to stop.”
Some of the symptoms of the flying pig flu include sudden mass labour unrest, resulting in multi-industrial strikes. This is already evident in some districts where garbage collectors are now striking, with some piles of trash competing in height with the Cairo Tower.
Authorities are advising citizens at this time to stay indoors and to pray that maybe, just maybe, if we do nothing effective at all, this will all just go away like a bad dream. “Hey, it’s worked out for most of our other problems,” said Bosa before leaving the press conference in his diamond-studded Ferrari, “just look at how much corruption’s gone down over the years!”