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Vegetarian arrested for "queer behaviour"

Meat-eaters furious at potential food chain disruption

| Written by makarona

Wed, 11/11/2009 - 12:12

A vegetarian from Zamalek called Khaled Kharshoof has been arrested for engaging in “queer behavior”, say officials. If sentenced, Kharshoof will be jailed on charges of blasphemy, plant hatred, terrorism, and intentionally trying to harm the food chain.

The authorities were alerted to Kharshoof's suspicious activities after he was spotted several times leaving Mo'men fast-food chains with only a packet of French fries and a soft drink.

Contrary to popular belief, vegetarians do not in fact eat meat, and some anthropologists believe that certain radicalized vegetarians refrain even from fish.

“It’s just not natural,” states convicting officer Tarek Abu Bezza while chewing on a Fried Viagra sandwich from Cook Door. “If you don’t eat meat then what’s next? Gay marriages? Democratic elections?? Ahahahaha!”

Furious meat-eaters have accused Kharshoof of disrupting nature’s food chain, with some claiming that his actions caused a butterfly effect that culminated with some giraffes at Giza Zoo using their necks to beat lions unconscious before eating them.*

Egypt’s Green Peace office has issued a statement urging authorities to make an example of Kharshoof for eating too many plants. “This plant hater may well be the very source of global warming,” said the statement, adding, “If he’s allowed to continue munching on nature’s carbon dioxide breathers, he should be held accountable for any rise in sea-levels.”

Kharshoof claims his motives are to reduce unnecessary suffering to animals. Yet, according to his parents, who disowned him last Eid for refusing to eat his auntie's home-made kebab, Kharshoof also engages with other queer ideas and behaviours, including daily exercise and even meditation.

“This can only mean one thing,” says officer Abu Bezza sternly, “Only terrorists exercise every day and sit down deep in thought – he was up to something.”

Whatever Kharshoof’s plan was, Abu Bezza assures El Koshary Today that security officers will be using carrots, cucumbers and other elongated vegetables to pump the answer out of him. Abu Bezza concludes: “Let’s see how much he likes vegetables after we’re done with him – Ahahahaha!”


*Other possible causes for the giraffes’ behavior at Giza Zoo include insanity, boredom, or being fed too much foul and tameya.

Leeloo

Wed, 11/11/2009 - 17:33

ohhh... and there I was, thinking of becoming a vegetarian myself !!! I guess I'll have to reconsider now ;-)
Hilarious! Keep going!

Representitive of ZIBBY

Thu, 11/12/2009 - 15:01

Did you guys draw that?

makarona

Fri, 11/13/2009 - 03:48

ZIBBY... we sure did. All thanks to Subar Lox.

Representitive of ZIBBY

Mon, 11/16/2009 - 13:51

thats what i guessed, great work Mr Subarlox!

mishka

Wed, 11/25/2009 - 13:34

genius witty i love it

sudaniberson..

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 17:02

i heart the bomb in carrot. ahahaha!!! and the "fried viagra sandwich" =)
cheers.

Amr

Wed, 02/03/2010 - 22:30

The husband of the sister of my wife is vegetarian. Should I report him?

muhamad swaisy

Sun, 04/04/2010 - 23:08

i have a vegetarian female friend a hot one am gonna blackmail her do me or do time in jail :)

WebDeveloper

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 22:15

I was a veggie for a few years and yest being a vegetairian in Egypt is a lot worse than being an Englishman in Newyork.

Sheldon

Thu, 01/27/2011 - 18:35

I feel sorry for the lions at Giza Zoo, but lets not jump to conclusions here. Giraffes get enough bad publicity already, what with the rash of pies disappearing from the windows of second story penthouses and all. Kharshoof should have thought about the giraffe backlash before he decided to give up meat and disrupt the food chain. Enjoy your vegetables K-Man . . .HA!

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