Tue, 03/15/2011 - 16:13
Scientists have found that those intending to vote “Yes” on Egypt’s upcoming referendum exhibit moderate to severe signs of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, with most having difficultly recalling just who Hosni Mubarak was exactly.
“Uhh, wasn’t he that guy from Zoolander?” asked one kiosk-owner bent on voting "Yes" this Saturday. “Of course yes!” he declared, “If we waste any more time on something as trivial as a constitution we risk an attack by Godzilla – what do you think caused the Tsunami in Japan??"
Many of those intending to vote “Yes” have been identified as members of the “anti-protest” camp, a group of people that has attacked protesters in Tahrir Square several times. Apparently, due to suffering from Alzheimer’s, many of these “thugs” had believed the square was the actual location where Egypt’s “wheel of production” (or the elusive 3agalit il intag) was hidden.
“We were just trying to retrieve it to make it spin so things can go back to normal,” said an anti-protest protester working in tourism who owns a falouka business called SEE-NILE.
Among those showing the strongest signs of the disease are members of the constitutional amendments committee, whose prominent member Atef El-Banna said yesterday, “These amendments are a great step forward for Kuwait.”
According to the amendments, half-Egyptian children inherit a gene that disposes them to treason while giving their blood a certain shade of red that has been officially identified as “impure”. Apparently this treacherous gene can also enter one’s system through the act of marrying a foreigner -- something that El-Banna verified as true by referring to both Mein Kampf and Evolution for Dummies.
For citizens against the constitutional amendments, the good news is that those suffering from Alzheimer’s will find it difficult to locate polling stations. However, a minority of scientists are claiming this disease may not be behind why some will vote “Yes”. Instead, after decades of being forced to tick the “Yes” next to Mubarak’s name, this may all just be about kicking a very old habit of bending over while nodding affirmatively.