Sun, 05/30/2010 - 12:21
Negotiations over a Nile water-sharing agreement between Egypt and poorer countries further south turned to dispute last week when Egypt threatened to “release the Giza zoo animals on their asses.”
The threat comes amidst fears that countries closer to the source of the Nile may now impede the flow of water to Egypt, which according to government-owned newspapers, may end Egypt’s 7000 year long historical right “to leave taps running simply because we can.”
Tarek Tanteet, head of the Egyptian delegation currently in Ethiopia, stated, “We have spent the last 20 years trying to use Nile water to remove dust from Egypt’s desert floor – I won’t allow a bunch of negr… I mean African-Americans, to get in the way of that.” The dust, also known as “sand,” has proven difficult to remove due it is unique absorptive abilities.
If released, the Giza zoo animals, known for constituting the world’s largest collection of underfed and mentally deranged mammals and reptiles, would wreak havoc on savannah wildlife in Uganda and Tanzania, severely disrupting safari and bestiality-based tourism.
Giza zoo keeper Hafez al-Assad said, “Even though Magdy the lion is blind and incapable of having erections, his smell is so foul he would effectively empty out whatever habitat our government released him in.”
Earlier today, the zoo’s professional animal language translator quoted Magdy the lion saying, “Rrrrwar” – a clear indication that the feline mammal is ready to engage in “war,” he says.
Other possible translations of Magdy’s growl include “leave me alone,” as the lion at the time was undergoing an intensive therapy session aimed at mending his impotence.
However, despite terror gripping Nile basin countries at the prospect of Magdy and other primates infiltrating their habitats, some Sub-Saharan dissidents are claiming that this is yet another example of white, or at least light-brown, supremacy beliefs.
To this, Tanteet repsonds, “That’s a bunch of nonsense. I grew up with a Nubian butler and we were the best of friends until my father sold him.” Tanteet and others insist that it is not Egyptians that are reckless with water, but “darker Africans.”
“Our Nubian butler used to use water for everything, everything” says Tanteet, “to clean the floor, wash the dishes, water the plants, even to clean his hands.”
Fearing for Egypt’s future water supply, EKT will begin implementing in its office toilets the policy of “if it’s brown or yellow, let it mellow.” Green and other out of the ordinary colours, however, will continue to be flushed.