Thursday, 19th of September, 2019
Subscribe to our feed RSS

Israel recognizes ant colony near West Bank settlement

IDF to surround colony with borders to avoid accidental ant "holocaust" by careless pedestrians.

| Written by makarona

Thu, 11/25/2010 - 00:01

An ant colony was discovered just south of an Israeli settlement in the West Bank yesterday, forcing the Israeli government to halt massive construction plans in the area.

Israeli authorities are currently still sighing in relief after having almost caused an ant-based holocaust with their bulldozers.

"I couldn't live with myself if countless ants had become homeless just so I could have a bigger backyard," said one relieved Israeli who was suffering from constipation for weeks.

Underway are small borders being set up around the ant colony to ward off any pedestrians bent on unwittingly committing an ant holocaust by treading over the area.

A spokesperson for the Israeli Committee for Moral Conquest stated that “soil evidence suggests this colony was here in some form or other way before 1948. Can you image the horror of turning countless ants into refugees and never allowing them to return to where they’d lived for generations? Who would do such a thing?”

Currently, several nearby “Palestinian”* towns in the West Bank now face demolition in order to give the ant colony “breathing space.”

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu explained the humane act by saying, “Given what happened to our people during the Holocaust, I think we’ve just developed this natural sensitivity to the well being of other creatures.”

US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton praised Israel for its consideration, saying the move will surely help foster closer ties between Israeli and Americans ants.

Meanwhile, “Palestinians” are still accusing Israel of slowly colonizing the West Bank with illegal settlements, something that maverick “Palestinian” leader Mahmoud Abbas is threatening to throw a major tantrum over any minute now.

Shmelly Rekhtum, head of the Israeli Humane Colonization Movement, said “Palestinian” sentiments towards their settlements were clearly anti-Semitic.

“There must be thousands of undetected ant colonies in the West bank and millions and millions of ants,” said Rekhtum, “but no, Palestinians choose to ignore all of them and only complain about our comparatively meager 300,000 or so settlers and their handful of colonies.”

The compelling argument made by Rekhtum is being seen by the international media as an “Ohhhh-shiaat -how-you-gonna-respond-to-dat?” moment for “Palestinians” and their supporters.

An initial comeback by “Palestinians” pointed to the sheer difference in space taken up by Israelis compared to ants, but this counter has been quickly rebutted as yet another instance of anti-Semitism.

“This racist retort suggests Jews are genetically too big compared to ants to be treated decently and without double standards,” said Rekhtum, who began to seep an odd gas while speaking.

While “Palestinians” currently remain stumped for words, Egyptian authorities are now investigating the possibility of exporting subsidized natural gas to the ant colony, with plans underway to increase Israeli ant tourism in Sinai.


*Please note that due to extreme pressure from the US Department of State, EKT must refer to Palestinians as “Palestinians."

Concerned Expatriate

Fri, 11/26/2010 - 01:54

Further investigation revealed that the ant colony was planted by the Mossad after people living around the colony observed some ants walking around in their kipas and prayer shawls.


Fri, 11/26/2010 - 10:15

I love it

Concerned Expatriate

Sat, 11/27/2010 - 13:32

Egyptian martial art established is hilarious....well done.
If you could permit me by adding the following:
'The street audience force the combatants to shake hands and make up at the end'.


Fri, 05/20/2011 - 06:15

amazing and bewildering the hypocrisy of zionists, ….. could not live with themselves for the thought of accidentally killing ants and making some homeless….having to halt construction of settlements and so on and on….. yet they have intentionally and willingly and by force almost displaced an entire nation out of their homes, destroyed their villages and turned them into heaps and mounds of rubble and then changed their names to some strange foreign names that neither relate to the site nor to the culture, killed their livestock, cut their trees, and burned their fields. A nation of human beings became homeless and refuges in their own homeland, what about them??? Aren't they a bit better than ants? After all, they were also created by God and are an integral part of the ecosystem much like all other creatures under the bright blue skies…..well, cut the crap zionists and learn how to respect thay neighbor before boosting about having mercy on ants, this is the 21 century we live in …


Sun, 06/12/2011 - 17:44


I love how you wrote this, it totally shows the hypocrisy of the Israeli government and how this is actually happening today.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.